I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
