It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
