Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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