moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
