I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
