Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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