he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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