If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
