I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
