so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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