dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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