i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
