i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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