Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
