Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There r osticjed everywhere
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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