i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
