there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
