Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
