Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
