They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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