the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
