just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
