We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
