she was so not down for the gang bang
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
