Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
