I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
