what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
