She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
