there's paper in my vomit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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