I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
