Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
