Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
