I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
