I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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