Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
