I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
