look no pants
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
