think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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