if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
