I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize