i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize