we're blogging at a bar
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize