We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
