I wish I could punch you in the face.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
