I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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