based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congratulations! We have a period
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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