so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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