I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
