I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
