I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
