Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize