btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it glows. i had to have it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
