Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
