I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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