I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
