Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
