i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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