Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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