I bet he comes in French.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
