wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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