she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
