Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize