I need to stop coming to work sober
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
